On Vlogging

Guten tag reader, and welcome to the new update day!

So I’ve been at a bit of a crossroads in my internet “career” for some time. I’ve read many articles that say that vlogging is a great way to grow your following and gain fans and fame and all that wonderful stuff. I’ve written before about my experience with video editing, and given that you’re reading me right now I probably have something halfway interesting to say. So why haven’t I started vlogging yet?

I think it’s a combination of things. At a very internal, personal level, I have self-esteem problems. I’m getting better, but most days I look in the mirror and I hate what I see. I know I plaster my picture as my background or as my banner, but I get to play with filters to make them look the way I want. If I try that with my video editing program my computer will crap itself. I hate the idea of a whole bunch of people getting to see what I look like and have the ability to anonymously make fun of me. I worry that I look terrible, I sound terrible and that I come across as a ninny.

My computer isn’t spectacular either. It’s due an upgrade, but at the moment I can’t afford one so I’m stuck with a machine bordering on obsolete. The nice webcam and microphone I bought won’t mean dip if the playback is choppy because Windows Media Player keeps nodding off.

At the end of the day, it really comes down to a fear of trying new things. I mean, I have clothes that I wore in high school. I don’t like new things. That’s a human thing. Most people, deep down, fear the unfamiliar. It doesn’t make you a coward or a loser or whatever. I’m afraid of failing. I’m afraid of succeeding. I’m afraid of things that represent a shift from what I’m doing now. But if I want to grow up into an actual adult instead of wearing the body of one, I need to change.

So, as you all are my witnesses, I’m going to film a vlog this week.

-Kelsey J.

One thought on “On Vlogging

  1. Pingback: PTSDiaries: 50 Shades of I Can’t Run Away. | Kelsey J. Mills

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